CW Foundation Horse Training
Relationship based training
Carl Wacker, July, 2014
www.cewak.com
If you and your horse don't get your relationship right, there will almost certainly be problems. Your horse may be dull to the aids, dive for grass, or push into your space. He may have poor pace control, or lousy steering. He may be spooky and tense on the trail. He may buck when you ask for the canter. He may be unconfident and untrusting. All of these problems can arise from a lack of clear understanding between you and your horse about your relationship.
So, what does a good relationship feel like? To your horse the relationship is a feeling, not something he thinks about, like you or I might. Watch your horse interact with the other horses in his pasture. The first thing he does in a new herd is establish his position. He has to know his place. He's not comfortable if it's unclear. He can't talk it out with the other horses, so he uses play, sparring, warnings and threats. The horse that holds his ground and makes your horse move is dominant. Your horse is fine with that. He doesn't really care if he's dominant, he just needs to know. And the only way for him to find out is to test, and keep testing until he's sure. Once he's sure, he'll relax. He's comfortable because he knows his place; all is well in his world.
Of course, he'll do the same with you. It's in his nature. He needs to test to see if you're dominant, if he has to listen to you, or if he can ignore you or push you around. He may need to do this repeatedly, in various ways, before he's sure. And even after it's worked out, he may still test just a little bit every day, just to make sure nothing has changed. Your horse isn't being naughty when he does this. He just has to know. You should expect the testing, the questions from your horse, and have an immediate, clear answer every time.
How do you answer? Take a simple case of the horse pushing into your personal space. Your horse should not enter this arm's-length space around you unless invited. (Most owners, as their relationship develops, are not so strict about this. And that's OK, if the interaction is safe and the horse isn't being assertive, and will move when asked politely and softly. But, with a new horse or a horse that's nervous or assertive, it's usually best to start by asking the horse to please respect your space). As he approaches, if you signal softly and clearly that he should stop outside your space, he should do that. Every time. If he comes barging in anyway, you can immediately push him back out, as assertively as needed. He will understand this. He expects it from a leader. You don't need to use phases, and “ask” him to move. Just be clear: “nope, that's not OK; move out – now!” Be assertive, then immediately relax. It's over - forgotten.
Unless he moves back in. Then you can be even more abrupt and assertive. Be clear. He's testing or just doesn't understand, but either way he needs and wants your clear answer. “Asking” him to move, or being inconsistent will confuse him and cause him to lose confidence in you. He'll start to think that you don't seem very sure about what you want, and maybe he should be in charge. In the pasture, a dominant horse will give a warning: a stern look, a cocked hoof, ears back, or bared teeth. But if your horse comes in anyway, that horse won't ask twice. He will be very clear, with a bite or kick or strike: “move away, now!” This is the language your horse understands. It's the language he wants you to use in communicating with him: consistent and kind, but as clear as necessary.
At first your horse may cooperate out of fear. Not out-of-control runaway fear, just nervous tension and uncertainty. He's figured out he needs to cooperate, but isn't sure if you're going to treat him fairly. So, it's up to you to show him that he does not need to fear you or any of the training tools. In fact, he should learn that when he's afraid, you can help him calm down. If your horse is inexperienced or needs foundation work, you will probably need to de-sensitize or “de-spook”. As he gets more comfortable, he may test a little more, but he will begin to soften physically and emotionally. If you are fair with the tools and help him be successful, he will be able to relax and focus on the training. If you are consistently clear and kind he will begin to respect you for that, not because he fears you. Now you have respect without fear: a big step on the pathway to trust.
OK, your horse agrees that you're the leader and he's not afraid of you or the training tools. What else is needed for a good relationship?
Effective communication. It's 2-way street. When you ask for his undivided attention, he deserves the same from you. An important step in developing your relationship is the moment he begins to believe that you will really listen to him. Many horses get used to people simply telling them what to do. They don't expect people to listen carefully. The owners don't mean to ignore their horse; they just miss the signs, or don't look for them. Is he confused? tired? fearful? challenging? hurting? playful? distracted? If you can identify these feelings and show that you “hear” him, he will feel more connected with you and offer more thoughtful, relaxed responses.
Nobody notices all the communication from a horse. But, if you strive to be attentive at every moment, your chances will surely improve. Is he questioning? Answer him. Is he trying? Tell him he's doing well. Is he fearful? Help him be confident. As he learns that you will pay close attention to him, and give well-timed, appropriate responses, he will begin to pay closer attention to you and be more engaged in the training. Your relationship will improve.
It's especially important to be aware of emotional tension in the horse and prove to him that you can help him relax. The release of emotional tension is essential before the horse can focus on you and learn. That's why “Relaxation and Rhythm” form the base of the dressage training pyramid. The training process is an ebb and flow of pushing him a little outside his comfort zone then returning to relaxation, then pushing, then relaxing. He'll begin to figure this out: all he has to do is try, and cooperate, and then he will get to relax again.
Now you've come a long way. Your horse has respect without fear. He knows you will listen to him and help him feel safe and confident. You notice when he's fearful or tense and help him settle down. He's comfortable with you because you are clear and kind and consistent. He knows what to expect. But what about trust?
Just like with people, trust is something that must be earned, and can be damaged quickly. You can't demand it; you can just patiently develop the relationship and hope that your horse will learn to trust you. You have to start with respect, absence of fear, cooperation, relaxation, and communication. If you are fair and clear and kind as you work on these things, if you help him to feel successful and confident, if you can apply and release pressure with feeling and good timing, and maybe most important: if you are consistent - so he knows the rules and can relax within the framework you've created for your interaction - then he will begin to develop trust.
He will look to you for answers and reassurance, and he will be forgiving of your mistakes. He won't challenge you. He will be confident and relaxed. He will pay close attention to you and try to please you. He will want to be with you. You will have trust, and a relationship that will make both of you look forward with pleasant anticipation to your time together.